Sarah

__Mathematics__



**Vampire Jelly **
For Vampires in hiding. Serves 5 hungry vampires

**Ingredients: ** 3.5 litres of pig’s blood 2 horse kidneys 3 pigs' brains 4 kg of pigs' eyes 2 packets of blood flavour gelatine crystals (bought from a specialist dealer) 2 tablespoons of beetle juice 13 fully grown snails snake venom **Equipment: ** 1 large metal spoon (wooden spoons will kill you) 3 large violently sharp knives 1 mixing bowl <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 120%;">1 chopping board (made to withstand vampire strength) <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 120%;">potato masher (with super strength handle) <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 120%;">1 jug <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 120%;">serving dish <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 120%;">coffin (optional)

**<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 120%;">Method: ** <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 120%;">1) Open the gelatine and pour violently into mixing bowl. <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 120%;">2) Add boiled pigs' blood and stir till gelatine is no longer visible to the supernatural eye. <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 120%;">3) Chop kidneys roughly and pigs' brains. Throw into mixture and beat with spoon. <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 120%;">4) Quarter pigs' eyes and add to mixture to add full flavour and gross effect. <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 120%;">5) Place in cave fridge for approximately 3 hours. <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 120%;">Vigourously remove snail shells and mash snails until creamy. This will serve as a cream to complement the jelly. <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 120%;">In jug, combine beetle juice and snake venom for a delicious drink. <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 120%;">Place cream and drink into fridge and allow to cool until jelly is set. <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 120%;">If you please, to activate your taste buds, sleep in coffin until you arise. <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 120%;">Serve jelly, cream and drink with a toothy smile to your appreciative guests.

**<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 120%;">THIS IS NOT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION! **




 * <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 130%;">Following a Procedure **

** REMEMBER **
Remember the lambs prancing in the paddock And the little kid goats causing havoc, That was Spring

Remember the buds in the orchard blooming And over head the tuis zooming, That was Spring

Remember the gardens of blues and reds And the flowers nodding their handsome heads, That was Spring

Remember the white clouds drifting in the sky And the butterflies flying lazily by, That was Spring

** REMEMBER **
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